swifts  &  s l o w s · a quarterly of crisscrossings

beads without strings
[sarah] Cavar

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Differential Diagnosis (VI.)

Okay, epistemology:
The story of the fuzz
On my lip. The backbreaking
Labor of being born, nay,
Of being known.
The manner of pimping
The body to the dictionary,
Or worse, the man
ual. The fucked
-up travesty lays
its egg in
definition. You want
to feel how it feels?
You want to hit
the embassy of my
Name? Cool, try this.
Open your fridge. Gloat
Yourself in cold. Invent a value
-system as consistent as
nonsensical. Event
milk. Event crisis. Event
horizon. State the beverage
as if it knows your secret
Name. As if Name’s sat
Slack-heavy inside the
Great flat whiteness. You know
The milk risks reifying you
for good. Now,
What are you going to do?

Interrupted Girl Narrative

This girl who was black-haired
who was in my eyes
woman already made dash
Down the dimlit hall &
Attempted herself before
A locked windowsill
And for all time after
We wondered “what
Pulled her
trigger”? The smuggled
Phone resting dead
Beside lost crayons and
Beads without strings
Or the boyfriend, presumably
Or otherwise parents
Or maybe, we this-
spared, it was simply
Something buried
Deep inside her chest
A bezoar a hair-tooth-
And nail ball a crackling
Innard so long indisposed
And without exit
It animated first her feet &
Then legs &
Then hips &
Then stomach & you
See her projectile
body at the dimlit
hall-windowsill        oh
What it takes to become
A verb

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[sarah] Cavar is a PhD candidate and transMad writer-about-town. Their debut novel, Failure to Comply, is forthcoming with featherproof books (2024). Cavar is editor-in-chief of manywor(l)ds.place, and has had work published in CRAFT Literary, Split Lip Magazine, Electric Lit, and elsewhere. More at www.cavar.club, @cavar on BlueSky, and @cavarsarah on twitter.